In a world that is perfect and flawless, we would all love to be moms who are always happy, cheerful, and fun. However, since the world is not perfect, neither are we!
Every mother is often caught between her two sides – Fun and Loving Vs. Angry and Strict. The worst part is, that every time the angry side surfaces, it never leaves you without guilt, even when you know that being the ‘Angry Mom’ was inevitable in that situation. No one ever said that parenting was going to be easy! But you only realise how tough it is when you actually become a parent.
When you scream at your child in the moment of frustration and your little one looks at you with those big eyes welling up with tears, it can be truly heartbreaking. That being said, you need to know when to stop the unacceptable behavior and make sure that it never happens again.
If you are constantly torn between being the fun and the angry parent and are wondering whether you are doing the right thing; just know that it is normal. The fact that you want to be less angry and more fun, the fact that you try every day, should be enough to tell you that you are a good parent.
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The Two Faces Of Mom
Imagine this scenario. You are feeding your child and trying your best to get him to eat. The fun mom in you is making airplane noises as you get the food to the child’s mouth, probably trying some role-play or using toys to get the child to eat. The next instant, your child deliberately knocks down the bowl of food in anger!
This is when the angry mom in you comes in action. Of course, it is frustrating to have the extra cleaning to do when you are already running behind schedule. You give your child a scolding and he ends up bawling.
After a while, you feel pangs of guilt taking over. These are the two faces of mom who is caring and strict, rolled into one. The question is - Is this the way parenting works? And the answer is yes!
There is no set formula for parenting to work. One moment it is all good and in the next, you mess it up. However, the idea is to learn, manage, adapt, and evolve through your journey as a parent.
Also Read: 10 Principles of Good Parenting
What to do when you really feel guilty?
Whenever you start feeling guilty for being an angry mom here are some things that you need to remember:
- There is a point when every mom loses control of her temper. This is not really because of just one moment that pushed you over the edge. There is always some series of events leading to this breaking point.
- Before you begin to feel guilty, think about the day that you had. If you are stressed out about being behind in your work, bills that need to be paid or undone chores, you are likely to have several stress hormones that are already working in your body.
- Take a moment to remember the positive interactions that you had with your child that day. Start from the time you woke up until now. Allow these positive moments to remind you that you also cherish being the fun mom.
- If you feel you overreacted, it is always good to accept your mistake and apologise. This sets a good example for to child to follow.
How To Manage The Angry Mom In You?
There are few things that you can do to reduce the stress that you feel and to ensure that your child does not get affected by these angry bursts that you have once in a while:
- Increase the positive interactions after a negative one. According to research, you need to have five positive interactions with your child for every negative one that is created. Don’t bribe your child through gifts or undue praise. Your positive interaction could be as simple as a cuddle, talking to your child or reading a bedtime story.
- Understand the triggers. If you know that your child acts out in certain places or has one particular habit that simply drives you crazy, stay prepared. Children respond best to logic.Try and explain to them what you expect from them in advance.
- Take care of yourself. If you do not have a good social life, do not eat well or just work too many hours, it is natural for you to get angry faster and more often. Make time for yourself and you will see that these negative experiences begin to diminish.
- Find different strategies to calm yourself down. When you feel overwhelmed, listening to music, sipping a cup of tea or just taking a nice long shower can help you calm down immensely. Find something that works best for you.
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Work On The Fun Mom
Everyone wishes to be the fun parent. Here are some ways you can help your child to see more of that side:
- Plan special “baby and me” time. Dedicate an hour each day for an activity that you will enjoy with your child.
- Try to make discipline fun. You could make chores fun by turning them into a game or associated everyday tasks with rewards.
- Hug frequently and always remember to be genuine in your praise for good behavior. Children can make out when you are acting smart to get work done or when your praise is not genuine.
- Understand things from your child’s perspective for a more logical and effective approach. Maybe things will not seem that bad from your little one’s point of view.
The bottom line is that you cannot help but have these two faces as a mom. Do not be too hard on yourself and remember that children move on from these negative experiences quite easily as long as you are willing to work on it.
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