Pregnancy was a whirlwind journey for me. From the lines turning pink to shifting base to my parents’ place, it took quite some time for me to settle down. I remember at times suddenly getting that feeling that everything was not about me anymore, it was about the tiny one growing inside me! From deciding on what to wear, to where to go, every small decision was determined by this tiny life, who was yet to be born. My favorite roadside snacks had become a big no and whatever went inside my tummy, had to first pass through a tussle with my brain and a mother’s concern, which always kept the baby’s safety first in mind!
Then came the day when she arrived into this world, yelling at the top of her voice, making her presence felt by people, even outside the OT. I was happy to see her, but honestly not elated. Reason? I was yet to come in terms with the fact that the little one who was inside me for the past 9 months, is now actually outside and I am now a mother!
My journey on motherhood began on a smooth note. Obviously, it had its share of ups and downs and hiccups but somehow me and my little one, together we pulled along well. My life started revolving around her and I started falling in love with her a little more, with every passing day. It happened on so many occasions when I wanted to buy something for myself, but once inside the mall, I would only end up visiting the baby stores and buying the cutest of stuff for her, even if she had 6 pairs of those already from before! Her wardrobe was bright, vibrant, matching shoes with every pair of outfit, matching hair clips, bands, socks sweaters and so on! I was reliving my life, maybe my childhood through her.
Things were going just like this when one day, a friend of mine called me up. She was getting married the next month and there were many days which she had planned for different occasions like a girls night out, bachelorette party, bride to be fun night and so on! I was super excited after hanging up the call and opened my cupboard to decide on my attires. One glance into the cupboard and I was shocked! I didn’t remember when was the last time I had bought something for myself! My collection pre-pregnancy was lying in some big black box somewhere and would definitely not be fitting me now anymore! My cupboard had a stock of loose fitting t-shirts and lowers and a couple of Jeans which I would wear when I went out shopping for my daughter or to the paediatric! I slowly closed the cupboard door and checked myself out on the mirror. My face was looking tired and robbed of any glow. My hair badly needed a haircut and my skin felt dry and patchy. Realisation suddenly dawned upon me, how long I had ignored myself. I was now only a mother, but I was ‘me’ also right? I had an identity of being myself first and then a mother, wife, daughter and so on. I thought about it for some time and then gave my husband a call, requesting him to take half the day off from worl. He was initially concerned but then he understood.
Once he came back home I handed him his share of parental responsibility, probably for the first time,took my bag and went out. I decided not to even look at any baby stores for that day. I indulged every bit of the 3 hours I had on everything I loved but had forgotten about. I bought some nice dresses, shoes, my favourite perfume, a nice watch. I also indulged myself in a detox massage, hair spa, haircut and manicure as well. I felt like I had never felt so good before this! I felt relaxed, happy and alive. Once done I did enter the baby store and bought a soft toy for my baby and also picked up my husband’s favorite burger on my way back home!
I returned home feeling absolutely happy and elated. I could feel the difference in me. Life no longer seemed so monotonous and so routine. I felt good not only from outside but also from inside. My husband was pleasantly surprised seeing the smile and glow on my face and obviously was too happy seeing his burger! My little doll was finally sleeping peacefully after a 1.5 hours of hard work mixed with sweat and toil by her father! I gently placed the soft toy beside her head while planting a kiss on her forehead. I felt wonderful being a mother, being a wife and most importantly being myself. That day I realised, if you don’t love yourself, dont care for yourself, then somewhere you would not be able to keep anyone else happy!
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